wednesday, october 10th
Currently walking the bustling streets of downtown Toronto. It’s sticky and humid and hot and the sky is so blue it looks fake. This week has been stress, anxieties, tossing and turning, bloating, and haziness. I have woken up every morning feeling like I could sleep for an entire week, that I need to sleep for an entire week, or that I have already died and gone away in my slumber and am merely a zombie spirit of sorts returned to haunt this gruesome world. BUT I am also seeing so much beauty. Hello big red maple leaves all over the ground! Hello cute squirrel friends! Hello sweet, sweet sun! You are so warm and loving after too many days of gloom. How can I hate my life when the world is this gorgeous? I can even appreciate the concrete jungle on days like today.
thursday, october 11th
today the sky is nearly white! the clouds have more pigment than their backdrop. it is waaaaarm. i came out of an exam at noon that could have gone til 1 and felt like i was walking on clouds. i got to have a perfectly fast-paced and excited conversation about it afterwards with a new friend who i would REALLY love to get closer to. i left my room half an hour early today to arrive at the exam with time to study and feel like i have unlocked the next level of my college experience because little did i know that leaving for class on the half-hour means: dodging the mass of people walking back from/heading off to class AKA swerving a daily bout of social anxiety that i had believed was INEVITABLE and having time to stroll/amble instead of needing to speed-walk. not having to be anxious about anxiety and lateness means actually getting to enjoy the beginning of fall in toronto (fall in toronto is fucking beautiful!! one of the few things i love about this city), feeeel my music, and bask in the final few days of summer glow. it means i get to notice things like a cute bug in the grass and construction workers engaging in self-care. i should start leaving for class early more often. today marks the start of freshness and rejuvenation. energy begins to circulate and i feel breezy.